If forgiveness was an inanimate object, it would totally be the birthday cake flavored chapstick that soothes the sting from a loved one who hurt us. I’ve learned in life that the ones closest to us are capable of hurting us the most… And inevitably… They will. Does that mean they had every intention of hurting us? No. Does that mean they no longer love us, or never loved us to begin with? Of course not. But sometimes, we get selfish and sometimes we let others down…Shit. Relationships “get ill.”

 

let it go1For instance, I lost count of how many times someone dear to me cut me off or pushed me away because they stayed in a relationship that I didn’t necessarily champion. Being the peer mediator in my circle, I was completely and totally appalled to be quite frank, lol. And admittedly, it took every last fiber in my being to refrain from not taking it to heart and implement empathy in my approach.

 

Being hell-bent on holding grudges is unnecessary stress that we just don’t need at this point in our lives, especially when we long to enjoy the present. Well, how the hell can you marry the moment if you can’t divorce the past wrongs done unto you? Riddle me that. Believe me, I understand that sometimes you will feel helpless, but you can’t bring the past into all that you pursue. Now what you can do look at it as pain with a purpose and bring the lesson learned along with you. Nobody signs up to get hurt but you might as well get something out of the experience, right? Furthermore, nobody wants to befriend [or maintain a friendship with] somebody who is less trusting, more defensive and consequently, more combative because they are too busy being a slave to their worst experiences. (Geez. Is anybody else singing Beyonce’s “Resentment” right now?) But of course, all of the aforementioned is easier to say and harder to do when somebody you love and trust sucker punches you in your emotional six pack. & Forgiveness definitely shouldn’t be granted over night; that’s something you can’t rush. That’s probably the worst thing you can do – fake forgive someone because you only end up dealing with shit that you thought you could deal with but as a result, you realize that was all a lie because you truly aren’t over it. No country for fake forgiveness. If you’re harboring resentment, embrace it. Before you can hash it out, you gotta plan it out anyway.

 

You see, its healthy to have occasional arguments, that’s how you make room to grow together – once, of course, you detach yourself from that pain. What’s u n h e a l t h y is trying to elude being vulnerable because we fear that it will do nothing but open us up to even more pain. But you must, must, must let that hurt go, before you self-destruct and lose love rather than repair it. Don’t think you’re condoning their behavior, or doing them a favor by forgiving them… In forgiving them, you’re no longer allowing them to interfere with your happiness. Quite simply, their mistake doesn’t have the power to hurt you anymore. Forgiveness is about loving yourself enough to forgive somebody else… Forgiveness is about YOU. 

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Born and Raised in Wood bridge, Virginia Head Writer for Insomnia's Labyrinth

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